It was the end of Summer and my friend invited me to go crabbing with her boyfriend and his friend. As we walked down to the dock she warned me that her boyfriend’s friend was a bit strange. She mentioned not liking his long, greasy hair or the bizarre relationship he had recently gotten out of. She also told me he was once a heavy drug user but he had weaned himself off of the destructive habit.
I introduced myself to him and he gave me that look guys give when they find you attractive. I smiled. He wasn’t my type at all. I was all caught up with my latest boy drama so I didn’t pay much attention to him. A couple of days later I received a friend request and a Facebook message from the Emo Kid. We began talking all day, every single day. At 28-years-old, Emo Kid spent his days working at Big Lots. He did not have a car and had a partially completed degree from community college. I hate to admit it, but I definitely judged him. I knew he wasn’t a guy for me.
Nonetheless, we continued talking to each other all day, every day. I felt that our conversations would leave me emotionally and physically drained. He would make very strong (often bizarre) statements to me that were quite flattering, if also creepy. Things like, “I felt something when we met. When you smiled at me I felt like I needed to get to know you. I love the way your mind words. You’re so beautiful. You’re a wonderful person.” Or my favorite, “I can’t explain it but I want to protect you.” It was strange, but he seemed nice so I went with it.
The first time we spoke on the phone and I heard his nasally, lisping, mumbled voice the only thoughts that rang in my mind were “HELL NO!” I knew instantly this wasn’t going to work. He was so overwhelmingly negative and seemed trapped in a loop of a miserable life.
Even with learning aspects of his character I didn’t like, I still planned to meet up with him at Starbucks. I was hesitant; I kept rescheduling; I
t didn’t feel right. On the day we set to meet up he told me he had literally not one dollar in his bank account. So I picked him up, we drove down by the water and sat in my car. It was painfully awkward in person … we had absolutely nothing in common. He made me feel like running out of the car and throwing myself into the bay.
I caught him looking up at me with his chin down (that’s a move girls make when they’re trying to get a guy’s attention). He was also quite petite and made me feel like a giant. His voice was even more feminine in person than it was over the phone. Nothing about this meet up was a good idea. He still drained me. He told me how his family members snort drugs off of the dishes in the kitchen and how all of his paychecks go towards buying his family members their fix. Again, I tried not to judge. I was still afraid.
Directly after he exited my car two hours later, I felt so strange; so unlike myself. I rolled down my windows, turned on the radio, bopped around in my car, shook my hair around, did some vocal exercises, shook out the icky feeling that person had tried to brush off on me and told myself, “Katrina, you are doing just fine in life. Appreciate everything you have. You are doing well.”
Once I got home and looked at my cell phone, I was bombarded by all of these text messages from Emo Kid about my energy being “off,” how he felt like he couldn’t relate to me at all, and he said to me that he feels like “there’s a person inside of you screaming to get out.” He also called me “blah.” He went on to say that I seem like someone who’s waiting for success and happiness to enter my life. HUH!?!
I had tried to be nice, but he was getting into my brain too much. I was letting his comments get inside of my heart and my mind. Before that meet up fiasco, I had opened up to this person and had trusted him. I didn’t expect him to lash out at me with so many cruel, insensitive and inaccurate statements.
I don’t want to label him as a “bad” person. I just think he is someone who has a lot of issues and projects it all onto other people. He seemed quite intelligent and insightful, albeit a bit strange, but I understood some of the things he had to say. It was just too heavy for me. He caused me to overthink life. Talking to him made me think too deeply, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Plus, one answer was never enough for him. He was always trying to get very deep into my mind, into my safe place, and kept trying to dissect things that he did not have any right to pick apart and analyze.
He even told me, “You’re an enigma to me. I need to figure you out.” He made me feel like a science project. He’d always ask more questions until my mind was completely drained and the only responses I could muster were “I don’t know” or “Can we stop now?” I can only handle so much at once before my brain feels like it will spontaneously combust and that’s what happened when he told me I seem like a “blah” person. I was sure to tell him to f*** off 🙂 and that toxic human was out of my mind and my life forever.
A girl with this many stories about her life is most certainly not “blah!!”