The Gut Always Knows

I believed that my single life was finally over. I thought I found a man whom I could be friends with and be in a relationship with. The only problem was that deep down in my gut, for about the three months we were together, something was wrong. When I referred to him as “boyfriend,” it simply didn’t feel right.

At first it was due to his strange habit of talking about his ex-girlfriend and her cocaine habit. Then it became a red flag when he described the way he used to remove her sandal, waft it beneath his nose and give it a deep inhale. The way he would talk about the clothing that he would ask her to wear for yet another one of his strange fetishes or that time he sent me a photo of the two of them together. And no matter how much he complained about her, he still had an urge to share with me when she was texting him.

None of this added up to me. Especially why he would date a cocaine addict for three years. What did that say about his character? Then came the truths about his alcohol habit and how it was slowly destroying his insides.

After that it was his jealousy when I attended a concert in New York City with a friend. We ended up getting into a huge texting argument that night when he told me that he wanted to see me and a girl kiss while he sniffed both of our feet. Okaaay. I don’t know what I was thinking. I have no idea why I decided to continue after that. I wouldn’t speak to him. Then he told me his grandfather died and I felt sorry for him and came back around.

Then every time we’d make plans he would have an upset stomach/be vomiting/stuck on the toilet. Found out he was 4 months from developing an ulcer.

Then finally that moment came when I found out this person’s TRUE character. The thing I had suspected all along. I felt like I couldn’t trust him. Something was “off.”

After I ended things, he was angry. He lashed out at me. He told me I think I’m so much better than he is. My interest in yoga is a front. I think I’m the Dali Lama, Mother Theresa and I think I’m self righteous. I’m nothing but a critical, judgmental, faker because I didn’t like his hair or his clothing style. Two hours later I received texts from him saying things like “I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU. You’re the most amazing thing that’s happened to me in so long. You’re beautiful. I love you. We can work this out.”

The argument dragged on and on. He said I’m obsessed with perfection, I watched too many Disney movies and I don’t know what a relationship is (says the boy who had a 3-year-long affair with some coke head who he met at a bowling alley) and I don’t understand men because I live with my mother, sister and father. He also said my home is like a women’s liberation meeting. Oh, and that since I want daughters more than sons it makes me a “man hater.”

There was no end to the insults. He didn’t understand any of my feelings nor did he try to understand them. He’d just lash out like a complete and utter lunatic. Like word vomit. Non-stop word vomit telling me how fake I am because I didn’t want to be with him anymore.

Eventually, I learned not to listen to the things he had to say. I told him two simple words, “It’s over.” Then I added him to my spam folder and then blocked him on Facebook.

I am not a perfect human. I don’t claim to be without flaws. Yes, I can be harsh. I can be critical and overly honest. But if he had spoken to me in a sane and rational way and learned how to forgive and forget I don’t think it would have been quite so insane.

But yes. Anyway. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!!! Because 9/10 your gut always knows what’s right.

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8 thoughts on “The Gut Always Knows

    • Thanks for that article it was really interesting and further backed up my claim. Yes, he would probably not be a good husband if I had chosen to stick with it. The older I get, the more I really take marital qualities into consideration. I’m okay. I didn’t cry so that says something. Hope the new year is good to you 😊😊😊

      • Hi just after I got you reply, I had one of those “gut” moments and you reply has inspired me to write my own post in gut feelings.

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