Putting Yourself First


People tell me I have a knack for writing about dating and relationships. I am always doling out my share of love advice. I am fascinated by the way people interact with one another. Because of that, most of my blog posts are based around dating and relationships. I’ve enjoyed sharing my stories and experiences but after turning another year older on Saturday I have finally learned some important things.

After being on a four month long dating hiatus, I have gone back and read some of my old pieces. I realize now how scared that girl was; How not over her ex-boyfriend she was; How aggressive and critical she could be with the opposite sex; How she tried to force it with people when it really wasn’t meant to be; How she put all of her hopes and fears into the idea of having someone and how that girl let it rule all of her emotions and weigh heavy on her self worth.

Instead of focusing on myself and my dreams I focused on what I didn’t have – intimacy. I took things too seriously.  If you deny yourself the human need of intimacy until you find something “perfect,” you will go crazy. Trust me. Perfect Prince Charming doesn’t exist. If you wait for him to come, you will be waiting the rest of your life. With the hook up culture that goes on now, casual sex is becoming a norm. We all have needs. It’s not wrong. Sometimes we aren’t meant to be with someone because we need to heal and sometimes taking that intimate step with someone who you are casually seeing is a good way to heal a broken heart. It stops the old intimate memories from flooding back into your head. It focuses your energy to another place. It helps you dream of your future and stop reliving your past. It lets you feed your OWN needs, and not someone else’s needs.

I have always been too fast to push people away for fear a man would only use me for my body. I spent too much time thinking of what the man wanted and needed and not enough about what I needed and how being intimate is something I also want in my life. I don’t want to continue to deny the opposite sex and always push them away because I’m scared of being broken again. In fact, I don’t need to go on dates with countless, random strangers to feel good about myself. I don’t need to force male friends to hold my hand because I think they’re cute and I want to pretend that I have someone. I need to focus on myself and finding a path that helps me find financial stability and happiness.

I do not owe men anything. I don’t owe them a date if he likes me but I don’t like him. I don’t owe them a kiss because he took me out on a date. I don’t owe any boy a second chance because he screwed up our date the first time. I don’t owe lonely men any explanations and I don’t need to fix boys who need saving. I need to fix and heal myself. Worry about myself. Heal myself. And then eventually, if it is meant to be, he will find me. He won’t be broken because I will no longer be. I will not want to fix people with problems because I am too busy fixing my own life.


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