A Review of Dates From Coffee Meets Bagel


Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB) claims to be all about “quality over quantity” matching you with one bagel at noon each day. If you and your bagel both hit “like” on one another you will be connected for exactly 7 days. If the conversation flows you may end up meeting them IRL (in real life). If the texting is infrequent the line expires and they fade off into the Online Dating Abyss.

CMB wants to create meaningful connections which will hopefully lead to a long-term relationship. This is advertised as an ideal app for women. I will say that all of the men I have met from CMB have led to second and sometimes third dates and most of them were looking for a relationship. That does not mean all of them were right for me or that all of them were sane.

  1.  The Nice Petite Guy: February 2015

    We met halfway between our towns for sushi. When I first saw him I was kind of feeling … meh. He reminded me of Tom Cruise (mainly because of his height) with blond hair and blue eyes. I didn’t feel any physical attraction on my end but he was nice and we had a good conversation. He was polite. He was just so petite. I’m 5’7” so shorter guys don’t really “do it” for me. We went on a second date to see a movie and the third time we went out he took me to a parking lot and tried to feel me up. I wasn’t really over my last relationship at that time. I wasn’t into him. I think he wanted a girlfriend but we just didn’t fit right together.
  2.  The Pot Smoking Israeli DJ: August 2015

    I really liked this one. It ended up that my friend knew him from a semester in college back in 2008. That made him seem more like a real person that my good friend knew who he was and had met him before. We went out to dinner a few times and I always enjoyed myself but something didn’t feel right. Looking back now, I’m not sure how genuine he was being. He told me he was an “entrepreneur” as a DJ but never exactly explained what he did. He also told me he smoked weed every day and it’s been a problem in the past when he first met girls but he didn’t plan on ever stopping. It was a big turnoff for me and ultimately, it went against what I believed in. It never would have worked. I think he stopped talking to me because I wouldn’t put out. By the third time we met up I kind of realized how rude he was to a cashier at Starbucks. That was basically the end. For the full story read “Another Online Dating Disappointment.”
  3. The Godly Texan: February 2016

    I met him at Starbucks. When he first walked in I felt myself smile. He was tall and wore a backwards baseball cap. He reminded me of Ashton Kutcher for some reason. He was actually pretty cute. He remembered the drink order I had texted him and ordered for me. It was going fine. He had a little Southern twang that was something I wasn’t used to, it was endearing. Things soon got a little too serious too quickly. He kept talking about women from his past and a weekend he spent with a girl down in Alabama. It was the closest thing to a real relationship he had ever had. He also called himself “Good Luck Chuck” and said if we date and break up I’ll probably find my husband. Not very flattering words to say about himself. I believe he may have also told me a cheating story. His best friend married his ex-girlfriend.

    Then for the heavy stuff, he told me he didn’t believe in homosexuality and that it was a sin. I immediately disagreed with that. I don’t like when people have that type of mindset. Its frightening and off-putting for me. Afterwards, I tried to engage in conversation with him but he kept singing over me and tapping his cup. It was a little irritating.

    After our date I Googled him and found out that he was a Pastor for his church. On his CMB profile he said that he was a musician. Technically, he is. He’s a singer for his church. I just saw that as a little deceitful and maybe too much for me. He’s Christian and heavily involved with his church. I’m a self-proclaimed Catholic/Buddhist who is more spiritual than religious. I never wanted to be a pastor’s wife. I feel like it would be limiting for me and maybe I wouldn’t be the kind of woman he wanted me to be. It was all just too much for me.

    The next time I saw him I liked him a bit less. I felt smothered. I wasn’t into him. I felt uncomfortable. I felt bad that I was feeling that way. I tried to talk to him but he just kept on making these really cheesy jokes. He belted out Justin Beiber on the car ride home from the movies. He sounded like John Mayer but it just didn’t do anything for me besides make me want to run out of his car. When he dropped me off I kissed him so quick we smashed noses and I ran out of his car. Never to talk to him again.

  4. The Hot Headed Accountant: February 2016

    He took me for dinner on the first date. He wasn’t very tall. He had slicked back hair. I was nervous around him. I ordered a simple dish because I couldn’t think straight. He made a comment about me being boring or something. He seemed super particular. I guess you have to be in order to work as an accountant but it was intense. His plate slightly wobbled on the table and it clearly bothered him. He kept on correcting me on things that didn’t really need to be corrected. He told me I was “hot” and was better than he expected, I looked better than my photos. I was both flattered and offended. After the date we walked to our cars. He walked about 50 feet in front of me and didn’t try to touch me or hold my hand. I’m not sure he was even going to walk me to my car.

    The second time we went out I find myself to be more nervous than the first time. I let him pick me up at my home. His car was incredibly clean. The cleanest windshield I had eer seen in my life. His taste in music consisted of all these old classic rock songs that really weren’t my style. He was dressed to the nines. He was a fancy guy. He reminded me of a Christian Grey type. Sitting across from him at the table made me feel really out of my league and self-conscious. I found him incredibly sexy during that date. I could barely keep my composure. Something with him wasn’t quite right though.

    Here’s the kicker, at the end of the night he wanted me to go to his house to “watch a movie” and “cuddle.” I was highly uncomfortable with doing that on a second date. He said when he sees something that he likes he doesn’t want to wait. He sees no point in waiting. He wants to go for it. This was also followed by the comment, “a girl has never said no to me before.” Then it got extremely awkward. At one point he started driving in the opposite direction from where I lived. I got a little panicky for a second. He was so quiet after that. I barely knew the guy but I could tell he was pissed off that I said no. He said he didn’t like one night stands and if I find him to be so OCD why did I think he wanted to use me for sex and blah blah blah. He took me home. We shared one kiss and boy, was it AMAZING. I’m sure had I gone home with him I wouldn’t have been disappointed but I would have been attached to this type of person. That didn’t seem like a wise move to make a the time.

    I blew him off on the night of our third date because I just had this gut feeling that he would ask me to “cuddle” again. I wasn’t going to put myself in a dangerous situation like that. When I told him I was tired and wanted to reschedule he went completely off the handle. He told me we couldn’t reschedule and that he wanted to hang out that night like we had planned and told me my saying I was tired was a joke because he worked a 70 hour week at his new job. He ended up texting me like a madman and completely told me off calling me immature and said he has no time for this. He said any other day he would just never talk to me again/stop answering but he was exhausted and I really disappointed him.

All of this stuff, from a man whom I met … TWICE!

After that fiasco I took a break from the app. The Hot Headed Accountant was probably the worst one that I met. He put me in an emotional head spin after only two dates. Imagine how much worse off it could have been if I didn’t cancel that third date …

I reactivated my account a few weeks ago. I have a meet up set for this Friday. Let’s hope this guy is sane. Please. If he isn’t then I think I’m going to be done with this app for good.


2 thoughts on “A Review of Dates From Coffee Meets Bagel

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