Everyone has different non negotiable aspects when it comes to dating. What is a deal breaker for me may not be a deal breaker for you but I have compiled some notes that may help you save some time while searching for a romantic partner.
At 7:25 each morning I warm up my car and prep for my trek into New York. From the moment I walk out of my house it will take me exactly 90 minutes to reach the door to my office. I drive to the train station 5 minutes away, park my car and walk up the long stairway to the train platform.
Maybe I have watched too many Disney movies that have made me a romantic with high standards. Maybe I do think too highly of myself and I can clearly see my own inner and outer beauty. I am a special young lady and I wholeheartedly believe that. Is it such a bad thing to think “too” highly of oneself?
I believed that my single life was finally over. I thought I found a man whom I could be friends with and be in a relationship with. The only problem was that deep down in my gut, for about the three months we were together, something was wrong. When I referred to him as “boyfriend,” it simply didn’t feel right.
At first it was due to his strange habit of talking about his ex-girlfriend and her cocaine habit. Then it became a red flag when he described the way he used to remove her sandal, waft it beneath his nose and give it a deep inhale. The way he would talk about the clothing that he would ask her to wear for yet another one of his strange fetishes or that time he sent me a photo of the two of them together. And no matter how much he complained about her, he still had an urge to share with me when she was texting him.
June 2012: The Beginning
I was 22-years-old on a road trip to Boston with two of my best friends from college, and I was lost.
My friends would be returning to school for another semester while I was forced to leave our wonderful bubble. I was alone and no one could understand the range of emotions I was feeling. I wanted to run away from Long Island; continue having fun, random, adventures. Forget the future; cling to the past.
Paralyzed by fear and anxiety, I sat in the passenger seat of my friend’s car contemplating the rest of my life. Just then, my phone rang. It was a woman from the counseling center I had contacted the day before. This comforting voice was there to help me sort out my past, present and future. It was time for me to learn how to face my feelings.
It was the end of Summer and my friend invited me to go crabbing with her boyfriend and his friend. As we walked down to the dock she warned me that her boyfriend’s friend was a bit strange. She mentioned not liking his long, greasy hair or the bizarre relationship he had recently gotten out of. She also told me he was once a heavy drug user but he had weaned himself off of the destructive habit.
I drove 30 minutes away to meet him for our first date at a Thai restaurant. As always, I couldn’t find a parking spot. I was making my second loop around when I saw a man with a glistening earring and a button down shirt standing there. I thought nothing else besides, that must be him. I stopped my car, rolled down my window and asked him if he knew where to park. He pulled my car door open. When he realized it was locked, he stuck his hand inside my open window and tried to unlock it himself. He jumped into my car and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I could distinctively hear his heavy breathing. I couldn’t make eye contact.