He gave me hope I wouldn’t be alone forever; Being involved with him made me feel more alone than I felt before.
We finally got to The Cape Cod House at 1:30 in the morning. Exhausted, excited and delirious we walked through the wooded front yard to the door.
He greeted us with a beer in hand.
“Hey guys! How was the trip up!? Welcome to the house. Everyone is in the kitchen. Go get a drink!”
That’s T? He’s taller than I thought he would be and kind of cute. That thick Jersey accent … what a dork.
I scoped the room to see who else I could flirt with this weekend. Two of the guys were taken. There was another guy who wasn’t really my type. A girl sat next to T. She looked like she was into him.
I guess he’s out. That’s disappointing.
People tell me I have a knack for writing about dating and relationships. I am always doling out my share of love advice. I am fascinated by the way people interact with one another. Because of that, most of my blog posts are based around dating and relationships. I’ve enjoyed sharing my stories and experiences but after turning another year older on Saturday I have finally learned some important things.
The people you swipe on Tinder are as random as people you see when you walk through the streets of New York. There are so many profiles to choose from that you really don’t matter to these people. You’re purely disposable. Truly, no one cares. Not only that, if you are an online dater you may already know that online chemistry in no way relates to real life chemistry. It may seem like you have much to talk about via text but in real life it usually doesn’t translate. As you may know there are different levels of attraction aside from just the physical – voice, mannerisms, dress, smell, touch, little things like that. Here are two real life profiles of men who I have met thanks to Tinder:
Seven hundred and thirty days with no cuddling and no intimacy. I would hold hands with a man and it would lead to nothing. We would kiss and there would be no “afterwards.” I would go on a date with someone from 2-4 times and then I would stop talking to them. There wasn’t a strong, genuine enough connection with any of the people that I met online that would make me comfortable enough to be intimate with them or even be in a relationship with them.
But the truth is I probably could have dated any of those men. It was my past that was holding me back from being with someone again. After being single for so long, I craved a man to love me. I craved giving my heart to a man. To feel a man’s touch. To be taken care of. And the way I was going about finding a suitable one just wasn’t working out for me.
Two years without meaningful intimacy will do crazy things to a woman. Until I started to think outside of the box.
Everyone has different non negotiable aspects when it comes to dating. What is a deal breaker for me may not be a deal breaker for you but I have compiled some notes that may help you save some time while searching for a romantic partner.
At 7:25 each morning I warm up my car and prep for my trek into New York. From the moment I walk out of my house it will take me exactly 90 minutes to reach the door to my office. I drive to the train station 5 minutes away, park my car and walk up the long stairway to the train platform.