He gave me hope I wouldn’t be alone forever; Being involved with him made me feel more alone than I felt before.
A voice, a non existent mystery; facial features, a 2D image viewed on a cell phone; height and build, not a way to tell.
Typed font on a little blue lit screen. Two weeks of build up – life, family, careers, Manhattan – day in, day out, for 14 days.
“Are you on the train?”
“How was your day today?”
“How is your night going?”
“Have any fun plans for the weekend?”
Face-to-face with a live human being who moves, speaks, breathes, has a brain that functions – a sly smile here, intense eye contact, lively hand gestures engrossed in conversation.
Two strangers connect to one another with eyes that see, hands that feel and ears that hear.
Thoughts buzz – Did I talk too much? Did I bore him, do we “get” one another?, What does he think of me? Do I smell? Am I annoying? Does he find me as attractive in person as he did when he liked the 2D photo of me?
Have I told him far too many intimate details of my day to day life, nothing left to say and nothing left to guess, no mystery, no interest, no spark, nothing in common, defunct attraction …
The fleshy realness of another human being. An alcohol infused evening, in bed by midnight on a Thursday. The night ends. Silence from the other end.
Time, effort, suspense – a lovely evening puffs into thin air.
We live in the age of information with conveniences such as e-readers and the Internet. Personally, I get overwhelmed with how much is available to us. For me there is nothing better than the feel of a real book in my hands. I adore books because they contain specific information. When you read a physical book there is no aimlessly wandering around to the next webpage, no staring at bright screens. You can’t text and read a book (you could but if you are I bet you’re not paying much attention). Books have beautiful art on the cover, they take time to be produced. They aren’t so quick, simple and easy like everything else in our world today. Reading requires an effort.
When a man likes a woman she knows how he feels. She feels beautiful, confident and appreciates who she is. There is no anxiety. No agitation. He asks to see her again. She accepts and is excited. Things fall into place.
When a man likes a woman it isn’t a guessing game.
She knows how he feels and she feels the same.
And if he doesn’t like her? Well then she cuts her losses, dusts herself off, continues to love who she is on the inside and outside, and keeps looking for the man who goes out of his way to impress her and follows up for a second date. He doesn’t make excuses. He genuinely wants her.
This is not personal.
This is online dating.
Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB) claims to be all about “quality over quantity” matching you with one bagel at noon each day. If you and your bagel both hit “like” on one another you will be connected for exactly 7 days. If the conversation flows you may end up meeting them IRL (in real life). If the texting is infrequent the line expires and they fade off into the Online Dating Abyss.
CMB wants to create meaningful connections which will hopefully lead to a long-term relationship. This is advertised as an ideal app for women. I will say that all of the men I have met from CMB have led to second and sometimes third dates and most of them were looking for a relationship. That does not mean all of them were right for me or that all of them were sane.
The First Time
It was January. We met at a hotel bar for a drink. When I first laid eyes on him I thought he was arrogant. He led the way to our table with his hand pointed in the air. I looked at him and all I could think was, “No, no, no.”
He was strange. The lighting wasn’t the best so I could barely make out his face. He kept pulling these faces that looked like he was majorly disgusted by words/suggestions (see photo). I was so thirsty but I wouldn’t drink because when I arrived at the table, the water was already poured. You never know with people you meet online.