Here is Why I Will Never Touch Tinder Again

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The First Time

It was January. We met at a hotel bar for a drink. When I first laid eyes on him I thought he was arrogant. He led the way to our table with his hand pointed in the air. I looked at him and all I could think was, “No, no, no.”

He was strange. The lighting wasn’t the best so I could barely make out his face. He kept pulling these faces that looked like he was majorly disgusted by words/suggestions (see photo). I was so thirsty but I wouldn’t drink because when I arrived at the table, the water was already poured. You never know with people you meet online.

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Wanting a Boy to Like You

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We finally got to The Cape Cod House at 1:30 in the morning. Exhausted, excited and delirious we walked through the wooded front yard to the door.

He greeted us with a beer in hand.

“Hey guys! How was the trip up!? Welcome to the house. Everyone is in the kitchen. Go get a drink!”

That’s T? He’s taller than I thought he would be and kind of cute. That thick Jersey accent … what a dork.  

I scoped the room to see who else I could flirt with this weekend. Two of the guys were taken. There was another guy who wasn’t really my type. A girl sat next to T. She looked like she was into him.

I guess he’s out. That’s disappointing.

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Daily Survival: Life as an Emotional Trigger

Forgiveness-Quote-Graphics-20The water was boiling on the stove as I chopped up a red bell pepper and some corn for my quinoa and veggie work lunches. She was sitting at the table staring at her lottery cards and watching Real Housewives on our kitchen television. An extra large wine bottle was pulled out of the fridge. Her glass was filled to the brim.

When I’m cooking I’m happy. With her there in my presence I find it almost impossible to relax. My food is almost always under seasoned, overcooked, I drop pieces all of the floor and scramble to pick them up before she notices.

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Why You Shouldn’t Let an Emo Kid Judge Your Life

IMG_20150914_122753It was the end of Summer and my friend invited me to go crabbing with her boyfriend and his friend. As we walked down to the dock she warned me that her boyfriend’s friend was a bit strange. She mentioned not liking his long, greasy hair or the bizarre relationship he had recently gotten out of. She also told me he was once a heavy drug user but he had weaned himself off of the destructive habit.

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It Gets Better

It’s been nearly a year since I’ve graduated college. Like most recent grads, I’ve struggled with my transition to adult life.

It’s hard to believe that just one year ago I was living in academia in the middle of nowhere, upstate New York. I spent my days and nights planning, studying, writing, learning, stressing. In my spare time I’d just hang out. I napped, I socialized, and drank Starbucks every day. I goofed around and met new people. Me and my friends were always traveling to the nearest city to visit restaurants and things like that. On weekends we’d party hard, binge drink, take lots of pictures, and I’d hook-up with a couple “randos.”

Even though I had academic duties, I was always laughing and gossiping. I loved being young, free, and silly. I lived with my best friends and I loved every second of it. When that part of my life was over and I had to move back in with my parents, I didn’t adjust well.

I honestly can’t remember where most of my summer went. I wasn’t working I didn’t do much in my free time. In July, I decided to get a job. I started to work at a corporate gym. It wasn’t what I desired, but it was something. I was on the 4 a.m. opening shift, which meant I was delegated to wake up at 3 in the morning, endure a 20 minute drive, and unlock the door for a few people who would be waiting for me when I arrived. Unfortunately, I’d wake up at 3:30 and I’d be late opening the gym nearly every shift. I’d pull up to a bunch of angry people who missed 5 minutes of workout time. Then I’d sit behind the counter, groggy eyed, and  I’d say “Hello, how are you.” to every. single. person. who walked in the door.

Sometimes. I’d drink tea and eat some yogurt. When I was really bored I’d sit on the counter and flip through a magazine. One time, a female member approached me and told me I would be terminated if she ever saw me sitting on the counter again. I stopped. But I always remembered to turn on the charm every time I saw the woman who threatened me. She didn’t like me. Needless to say, the gym fired me after less than two months. I didn’t take it well.

I needed to find another job. I took some time and ran off to New York City to visit my aunt for a week to regroup and figure out what I wanted to do with my life.

I’d heard that you can earn a decent amount of cash catering so I “Googled” catering companies in my area and e-mailed a couple of them. To my surprise, I received a response from one. A catering company/restaurant needed a full-time server for their morning shift. I was hired.

My “career” at the restaurant has not always been pretty. My co-workers put a lot of pressure on me to be quick, efficient, and excellent in customer service. I’d spend every day slicing bagels and asking repeatedly, “would you like coffee?” All while having a pregnant woman bark at me, “freshen up the coffees, wrap it this way, go help them over there, you’re doing that wrong, count the change the way I do it” or I’d have my angry co-worker calling me stupid, mocking me for being polite, and constantly making me feel bad. The poor management/mistreatment was beginning to wear on my self-esteem. I was 6 months out of college, and frustrated with no hope in sight for a professional job. I started to think that going to college was a waste of time and money.

After a couple of months I could barely handle the negativity of working in the restaurant. I needed the cash but I vowed not to take another dead-end job. I’d just keep going through the same issues again and again until I aimed higher. I had used cold-contact successfully once, so I decided to do it again for the sake of my career. I contacted my local newspaper/ad agency and asked if they were looking for help. I was asked to come in for an interview and was hired two hours later. It was the light at the end of my tunnel.

I started off as a data-entry clerk with some free-lancing opportunities on the side. Two months later, the editorial assistant quit. I picked up a few of his hours on the days I was in for data-entry. Those couple of hours have led to another full-day. Soon, I’m hoping to obtain a full-time position so I can quit food service all together. I’m slowly moving into a place where I belong.

It’s not what I thought I’d be doing. It’s better. Even though I was lost this past year, I eventually learned that if you don’t take action, you’ll never get to where you want to be. I’m grateful for these failures and lessons life has given me, without them I wouldn’t have progressed as well as I have. It’s not always easy, but it does get better.