It was September 2014. I was four months out of my first serious relationship. I desperately wanted to forget about my ex-boyfriend and our hot mess relationship so I resorted to Meetup.com to find fun activities to partake in. There was a singles cruise in NYC listed. Even if I didn’t meet someone, watching the sunset in Manhattan from a yacht would be more than worth it. I didn’t think I would really meet anyone worthwhile. I was anxious and uncomfortable. I had nothing cute to wear. My aunt walked me down to the pier to see me off because she was nervous to let me get on a ship alone with a bunch of strangers. A 24-year-old girl has her aunt walk her down to board a yacht for a singles cruise.
I stood waiting on the platform for the J train. A bald man approached me asking if the train stopped at Delancey Street. Unfamiliar with the area myself, I told him I’m not 100 percent sure but I hope so because that’s near where I was headed. We exchanged smiles and he walked over to the woman, her pig tailed daughter and another young girl with glasses. They all wore matching sneakers and carried umbrellas. All bundled up for the rainy dreary weather.
I remember when the Internet was just beginning. I was a fifth-grader who was constantly on AOL Instant Messenger. I was just 10 years old and this was my primary way of communicating with classmates.They would say pretty cruel things to me that can still haunt me today like “you’re fat” “you have big ears” In sixth-grade I remember admitting to my crush that I liked him. He told me that I was “fat and ugly.”
In yoga when I’m in plow pose I close my eyes and focus on the space between my eyebrows. While in meditation, I repeat this mantra over and over: I want true love/real love/best friend love/healthy love. I channel all of my energy into opening myself up to love freely. When the time comes to break the pose I let go of my manifestation and continue to breathe and move through my practice.